Forgiveness...

brings me so much gratitude!

I've learned a lot since January 2009... I've posted a lot of what I have learned on this blog so I won't go through them now. The one thing that I have struggled with is forgiveness.. I have shifted my perception and changed my reality on many levels but when it came to letting the biggest aspect of my past go I thought that I was the exception... that I didn't have to forgive my father for his choices because it was too big to have to forgive... until now.

When we were teenagers my father moved to Hungary and left my sister and I to live with my grandmother (his mother) . We weren't happy with his decision and didn't understand and going into our teenage years we rebelled. I made many bad choices and ultimately blamed my father because he left...

Like I said I've made a lot of positive changes in my life but this one thing I couldn't let go of.

Even though I'm grateful for the person I am now and am stronger because of my past experiences, I just couldn't see clearly that I was putting my well being in the hands of another person, even though he couldn't change the choices that he made so many years ago, and I couldn't change mine. I knew that I needed to change my perception and forgive but I was stuck...

Then last night, when I was talking with my husband, I realized that I was still in victim mode and have been for all these years. I realized that telling my sad stories could not make things better and trying to pass on the responsibility of my choices would not help me move through my pain. I realized that if I could actually forgive my father then I would be free. And just like that, after all these years, I changed my viewpoint. I realized that I was ready to forgive, and let go and move on and take responsibility for my past choices but even better than that take responsibility for the biggest choice that I could make.

This morning I met my father for coffee and I forgave him. I instantly felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and our energy changed immediately. It wasn't awkward anymore, it was natural and pure.

My life changed this morning.

Thank you Dad for giving me this huge gift! I love you. I'm ready to move forward and looking forward to what the future holds... but more to what we have right now!

THANK YOU!

My Love...

brings me so much gratitude!

My Love had these made especially for me...

...and that means the world to me!

Thank you!!!

Helping Haiti

brings me gratitude.

The devastation in Haiti overwhelms me, as it does any human being, I'm sure. Watching the news, I feel absolutely helpless... the stories just absolutely break me. I want to do.. I want to DO. But sitting on my couch, what can I do??

I know, though, that I am not helpless..

I can donate money.. the Canadian government is matching dollar for dollar so my donation, your donation, has got more bang! I can donate, I can make a difference.

I am so blessed ... My previous blog demonstrates how blessed we (my husband and I) are. All of our daily normalcy seem so much more luxurious now.

Are we not all blessed? Blessed to have a home to go to? A hot shower? A meal? Clean clothes?

Think of all your blessings...

and find what is in yourself, your heart, to donate.. With the Canadian government matching dollar for dollar, $10. is $20., $100 is $200., $500. is $1,000. Given that before the earthquake the average daily income for Haitian's was $2. US a day, your donation means a lot more now.

Please! Give what you can! Even if it is just a little bit, it WILL make a difference!

Thank you! for helping make a difference.

Allotting my Budget

brings me gratitude.

So with the new year, new focus comes into play. I'm not one for resolutions.. but I thought it was time to put a budget together. Don't get me wrong. I do have savings and RSP's, investments and a mortgage but I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I've never done an actual budget based on my income.

I knew my laptop had to have a program on it for budgeting so I looked it up and filled it in.

I have to say I was shocked at how much of my income is put towards my monthly expenses - the mortgage, property tax, maintenance fees, car payments, car, life and home insurance, cable, internet, cell phone, groceries. Oie vae!

Now this is all a choice. We wanted to purchase a condo a few years ago instead of paying rent and someone else's mortgage, and after many years of wanting a car but not needing a car we decided it was time to purchase and of course the cell phone, internet and cable are all luxuries that we choose to indulge in.

But then I thought about it. I thought about all of the things that are not included in those monthly expenses... things like hanging out with Lola, and hugs from my husband, and walks by the lake, and hanging out with family and friends. And it got me thinking even more as to what my monthly expenses go towards... a home for my myself and my husband, warm showers, the option to turn the heat up if I'm cold, all the drinking water I need, lots of books to read,

too many clothes...

and shoes to choose from,

the option to use the building pool or exercise room..., freedom to drive where we'd like, taking a bike ride, the internet to learn about anything that I choose, a number of movies to watch, tons of music to listen to, limitless meals to try making from the countless cook books the hubby has,

not to mention concerts, travelling and memorable experiences! I could go on and on and on...

I enjoyed this. I enjoyed not only clarifying where my hard earned earnings go to but also taking another look at what I so have and appreciating all of it!

Thank you!

Ringing in the New Year with Family

brings me gratitude!

Nick and I had plans to stay at home and have a quiet New Year's Eve in.

But my cousin Pete called New Year's Eve afternoon and invited us over for a pre-midnight celebration dinner... he picked up steak and lobster tails... ummmm, yeah!

So we went, started with a few cocktails and some bubbly that Sheila brought

and while the guys worked in the kitchen,

Sheila and I waited patiently for dinner.

Well, it was well worth the wait... actually we decided it may have been THE best dinner ever!

We've all had our fair share of fine meals at the some of the best restaurants across the country... this one certainly ranked up there.

It was absolutely spectacular! Good job Pete! Great products, cooked with love... with the assistance of a chef and great company made for a memorable meal.

Well, that is well worth a toast (I think I know what to get Pete for his birthday - wine glasses!).

We partied a bit more, then we went our separate ways. Pete and Sheila joined Pete's family to ring in the new year at a restaurant..

..and Nick and I went home for some lovin'!

Happy New Year indeed!

2009

brings me so much gratitude!

I was hoping to post this blog on the 31st but because 2009 was such a significant year for me I found it difficult to articulate.

But here it is...

While I have learned to live in the present and try to practise it, I do enjoy the end of the year to reflect on what I've learned and where I have moved forward.

2009 had many lessons. Many large and some small, but all significant...

Being grateful is a big one... learning about the mind-body connection is huge, living in the present is a wonderful one,

realizing the insignificance of physical things and zero attachment to outcome is incredible, and choosing to live a more inspired life has changed my life! Learning to forgive... other people and myself has released a lot crap from my life,

learning that my past does not define me and that my thoughts and beliefs create my present and my future has been monumental...

Learning more about my capacity for love and creating my reality have brought on many wonderful experiences!

The journey in 2009 has brought some peace to my life... peace that I had been searching for, for many years,

and that journey is mine to choose...

2009 was absolutely divine!

Thank you!

Life with Lola

brings me gratitude!

We have fallen...

...in love with a girl named Lola.

She really is the sweetest!

and brings us so much joy and happiness!

It's only been a couple of months...

but I cannot imagine life without her.

Thank you!